Sami's Work at Home Guide

Question: What do I do about my marriage problems?
I’m not sure if it’s the marriage or just me. My 3 year marriage, 6 year relationship to my younger husband (he’s 25 & I’m 28) is going downhill for me. While I love my husband, he has a bit of a stubborn, ADD side that is ruining us. We have had a few bumps in the road (he got to caught getting to 3rd base with an ex last year & other minor related incidents along with temper issues, I was a negative & judgmental nag that loves to help others & left no time for us), but we worked on them. Now our problem seems to be his love of independence.

We made plans for ourselves and our lives as a couple that included dreams, goals and a plan on how to achieve them. The plans included us each obtaining our college degrees(me- PC’s & business, him- Automotive) at night while working full or part time, working after graduation to gain the needed experience in our chosen industries, correcting our debts,7 open a small business to be able to buy a second home maybe having a child or two by my 31st b-day.

Everything seemed to be okay until he left his last job this Spring. While he always leaves jobs after one to two years out of wanderlust, I understood that because at least each new job brought him closer to his desired career field & our business interest. He told me he was leaving the job immediately because they weren’t willing to work with his school schedule and that he had another job lined up, without my knowledge.

Him being him didn’t confirm the new job & ended up unemployed for 2 months before getting this new one, which has lesser pay, no medical benefits like the other one (which I need due to Lupus), and has crap all to do with his chosen career of Automotive technology. As for school, he didn’t set aside the money to pay for summer &, as usual, turned in his financial aid papers late, which meant no school for him. Now I’m find out that not only does he want to start a whole new business “one day” in his new job field of driving, but he will no longer go to college.

At first he said he wasn’t going to college because he was going to work full time at his new job to take of our bills because I’m leaving my part time job next month to bust out my last year of school, like we planned since last year. This made no sense because he was already working full time for the last two years on a strict schedule & going to school part time, I always have money from my savings and other sources which are permanent, and he pays 2 bills while I pay everything else. Then it turned into him only taking the classes he needs to be certified and now into dropping out.

I’m hurt, tired, and frustrated because this is the last straw in a long line of him doing whatever he wants without telling me and me supposing to be alright with it. It would have been better if he at least informed me or thought things out before acting & stuck to them, but he doesn’t, so I’m always left the last to know but having to fix things having to start from scratch again while he finds something else to do.

Add to that the fact that he now wants to start having kids this year instead of waiting for us to graduate and I’m about ready to scream. I’ve talked to him about these issues, but he just says he’s sorry and we start to work on the problems, only for him to soon do the same thing over again. This cycle happens in every area of his life and is interfering with our marriage. I don’t know what to do and I’ve suggested counseling, but he refuses outside help of any kind. I’ve even considered separation, but am scared because I love him so much despite our faults. Please help!!!
Here are details I should add to clarify. I usually talk with my hubby about this stuff; but we just had a talk that went bad. I suggested for us to both go to counseling for his ADD because I have ADHD & receive treatment which he was supposed to get as well. This is why I plan with him. He refused again & to us seeing a counselor or pastor just to help express what he might feel he can’t communicate to me & vice versa. My hubby is an introvert that doesn’t express himself until he’s fully ready to, if at all. I’m an extrovert that loves nothing better than to have him talk with me. His dreams have always been my dreams, his fears are mine as well. While we take vacations to regroup, the cycle repeats. My hubby hates help of any kind & wants to do it himself. We differ in that life tragedies made me mature quick. I love my husband & separation is a LAST RESORT. I need help with this & am grateful for all I can receive. Thanx!!

Answer:

Answer by luvrats
OBVIOUSLY his dedication to your goals is far less than your dedication is. He might say the right things but it’s his ACTIONS that count. He doesn’t act like he cares about what YOU want.

He isn’t going to change.

So ask yourself — will your life be better with him or without him?

Personally, I think you’d be better off without him. Sorry, but you asked.